hi

i'm here. they surprised maarten for his bachelor day this morning at 6. s-i-x. that's right. so don't expect me to be all chipper, i have a cafeine limit these days and it's not making me real happy right now.
[seriously - not just parties here, no - it has to be an ENTIRE day. good lord)


marc is doing better. he's still on the oxygen machine but he's been able to spell out words on an alphabet board ("pour water on my head", because it's so warm in his room) and yesterday he even wrote a couple of words with a marker. i'm secretely letting myself hope that his brain hasn't been damaged - he just needs some time to come back to his senses, so to speak.
the pneumonia is now a double pneumonia, but he's doing better than before, weirdly enough. they are probably going to start training him to breath independently after this weekend.
the reason i probably don't sound extatic about all this, is that we've been let down before after an initial improvement. i guess we're just more cautious not to get our hopes up too high. we should just give him loads of time, because he's going to need it. as long as he's not so depressed anymore, that's the most important thing right now.


friends continue to be wonderful. although some people only care about themselves, but i already knew that. the funny thing is, you secretly already know that some people are just all about themselves and no-one else. then something like this happens and it still baffles me how insanely egocentric some people are. one person called recently and managed to ask how i was doing and i said "not great, my stepdad is in the hospital". his answer? "oh, bummer - but i'm calling about blablabla". whatever though - i'm too old and too pregnant to let it bother me much. so i'm just focusing on the great people that are also in my life. i love you lots!


mikey is doing great under the circumstances. the obstetrician wants me to go on maternity leave six weeks prior to my due date though. we'll see about that... she told me not to think that being pregnant is a vacation. i almost had to kill her. slowly. but again - whatever.


i've been having the most random thoughts. for instance:

• there are people that feel that when you say that you are against (the) war, you diss on the soldiers fighting it - so you can never say you are against the war, you can only say you feel 'it's time for our men and women to come home'. that's the most hilarious fallacy ever. a clever example of selfcensorship though.

• karel appel died today. he's right up there with rembrandt, vermeer, van gogh, mondriaan. all dutch painters and all extremely influential. so you have this crappy tiny country that is not good for anything and it manages to produce all these great artists, just the same. i have a theory about that. this country and its landscape are so incredibly insignificant and dull, that creative people are stimulated even more to use their imagination and find beauty in less obvious matters such as light, anatomy, deviation and chaos.

• never buy wedding shoes one month before you get married when you're pregnant. mine have an ankle strap and my ankles have started to swell up since yesterday. it's not that i don't fit the shoes anymore, it's just that the straps put emphasis on my now not existant ankles. eh. i have a good excuse, i guess.
  only two more weeks! time flies... the dress is finished and cost about a fifth of maarten's attire, ha ha ha. i guess that's just because mine is so simple. white is out of the question and strapless tight schtuff is not exactly comfortable right now. i'm really happy with my dress though. it's pregnancy proof but festive nonetheless.
  so on our wedding day i have this appointment with the hairdresser and that's all i'm going to let anyone else do. no-one touches my make-up. not ever. i can do that myself, thank you. but the hair? yeah - too difficult hair. y'all think straight hair is wonderful but believe you me - it's a pain in the butt. it only goes one way - down. hee. anyway, i'm thinking this hair dresser will be done in half an hour, right? nu-uh. 2.5 hours. ???!!!! 2.5. get real!

• don't you just hate it when people think they're really intelligent when they're really not? yeah, me too.

• i need a drink and a smoke. and it's 9 am. seriously, once i poop mikey out, i'm going to hand over the kid to maarten, tell him "it's your turn" and step outside. then i will have a sandwich with filet americain (raw meat), after which i will drink a glass of white south african wine accompanied by a really nice cigarette or ten. yum-my. can not wait.

• to 'all' the dutchies: happy liberation day! and if you weren't silent at 8 pm yesterday evening and you felt the need to notify others of your non-quietness: kill yourself. now, please. seriously, if you can not show f-in' respect for two lousy minutes a year to those people who have freaking died so that you can be the moron that you obviously are, it's your choice - and you are at liberty to make that choice without consequence because of them, but whatever. but if you can not even show respect to those of us who do wish to shut the hell up, you do not deserve to live. at least not here. so don't kill yourself, but please do get lost.
  and if you're the complete and utter a**hole that felt the need to yell 'hamas, hamas, all jews on the gas' during these two minutes of silence, i don't even know what to tell you. except that i wish to personally lock you up in auschwitz for a very long period of time and make you read 'het achterhuis' 10,000 times and watch shoah 24 hrs a day. you make me f-in' cry. i'm not kidding. moron. loser. don't come crying that they won't accept you over here, the next time you get refused at a club or turned down for a job. i'm not the one to say this otherwise, but in this case: GOOD. god, i just wanted to hit you.
  (this incident happened last year but i don't think i will ever forget it).
  (wow - i think i might be my grandmother's grand daughter after all. whodda thunk).
  (this whole thing didn't make sense to 90% of my readers, but i had to get that out).

• i think i'm done now :)