blah blah yadda yadda

fyi - i'm coughing my lungs out. who said non-smokers are healthier?

what i ate today (no i'm not starting a diet blog, i'm just here to shock you all)

granola with non-fat milk (i guess that's okay)
gazillion cups of coffee
whole weat role with meat loaf (of the dutch variety)
yoghurt & cream jammed with SUGAR, FAT and other goodies
three white wine
a whole lot of deep fried appetizers (we had drinks after work. at a bar. where to serve this food of the devil)
a hand full of tortilla chips
about 15 sweets to get me through the day
1/3 of a pint (? 1/3 of 500 cl at least) of ben & jerry's cookie dough (which i don't even like)

yeah, i know.

so we're having friends over for dinner this friday, and it's queen's day in two days. but, starting may 5, i will be on a diet. the first real diet i've been on in... 20 years. and not to loose weight, but to keep myself from really getting overweight. because i'm pushing it.

i'm not going on fourty, looking like fifty because i haven't slept in two years, rocking the skin of 14 year old on clearasil, with a bad attitude due to nicotine deprivation, ONLY to be carrying around two of me as well.

whine whine bitch bitch
so how was your day?

a.a.t.

1. i'm getting a new passport tomorrow. it looks like i'm actually making it this year!

2. yes, i'm still cigarette-less. and fat as hell. but whatever.

don't tell anyone

but i'm going to see john mayer in june, here in the hague. he's headlining a mini festival 'picnic in the park' and sarah told me to go. needless to say, i bought tickets (since i'm such an obedient person).

ever since i got the tickets i'm frantically trying to decide what kind of t-shirt to wear. because i want the t-shirt to say "you're just the gazillionth guy with a guitar so tone it down a bit" without wearing a text across the chest that says "you ain't got nothing on buckley". without it being too obvious, in other words.

i don't know. like anyone will care, right.

so, is the verdict on obama/clinton in, yet? it's getting BORING!!! interesting dilemma though, right? pick obama and you're sure to lose, pick clinton and it's bush 2000 all over again (this is from a dutch elective system point of view though).

blablabla esther shut up.

okay.

see, i'm obedient.

a new djeems

a new djeems is born!!! i've been told he's perfect. the best news is that i get to see him before he's even a month old!

congratulations to the one, and only, whoopsidaddy!

drugs are good

i'm doing good. don't ask me what i ate the last couple of days (liqorish! liqorish! bags and bags of liqorish!), but other than that, i'm doing good.

the poison should be out of my system by now, and that should mean that i'll be able to sleep tonight. without the night sweat, icecold toes and nightmares.
and yes, it's hard and at times i want to smoke so bad, i can actually feel what it's like to inhale the lovely smoke of that wonderful, fake old friend.

the cigarette does the smoking. i'm just the sucker.
the cigarette does the smoking. i'm just the sucker.
the cigarette does the smoking. i'm just the sucker.

anyhoo (she said, while sucking on her third menthol candy this morning - i can feel the two sizes weight gain coming now!!), quitting ain't easy but like maarten said: "chemo feels a lot worse".

nothing else is new, except it's ONLY ONE MORE MONTH (and a week and a half) TO GO!