Sarah inspired me to be thankful today. It definitely beats bitching all the time, thinking of things that bring me down (and consequently bring me down even more). So it's overdue, but today I'm thankful for
1. The Kid
You didn't see that coming, did ya? He's the reason I can't regret the last five years. He's so beautiful and smart and enthusiastic and last Friday when I dropped him off he suddenly hugged me and said: "I'm going to miss you so much, mama". Big deal for him. Big deal for me. Love him. Love him, love him, love him.
2. My neighbors
My support system is literally next door. You can't put a price on those people. They are always there for me and more importantly, they will go through fire for the kid.
3. (Lost) friends
I'm grateful for everyone who has been willing to be my friend, whether they are still in my life or not. I'm awesome because they are.
4. Music
No need to elaborate.
5. My job
Yeah... I at least have a job. That pays well. And keeps a roof over our heads. There are mothers in this world who sleep in the streets on a piece of cardboard with their baby beside them. They have for more reason to bitch about their 'work situation' than I do.
Disclaimer: sarcasm is not something I can turn off, ever. So my bitching will surface soon enough. Just not today.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
sign 'o' the times
What?
Where?
How?
Hi, I'm you-know-who and I used to blog on this. And then one day I didn't. I have no idea where the time went. But I'm here, talking to myself in cyberspace. In a language that isn't my own. So in Benglish, I'm going to tell my audience (me) what happened in the last three months. I guess I rock.
July
This month was the Dutch summer. June was cold, everything went downhill in August, but July was pretty decent as far as the weather was concerned. I suffered from tremendous post-trip blues. On the other hand, we still didn't have a government and *funnily enough*, we all kept on living and breathing.
August
August was very interesting. First of all, the divine miss GM came over for a week long visit. I had a lot of stuff planned, she was beyond excited and the kid was curious. When we picked up GM at the airport, I got tears in my eyes. Because there are perks to friends being on different continents, but usually it just sucks.
Back at home, I immediately stuffed her face with poffertjes and I went to drop off Y at his dad's.
He was drunk. Like I said - everything went downhill in August.
It's not like it was a complete surprise, because there had been some signs. I just never thought he would do it in front of Y and I found the timing a little too conspicuous. My ex having a fun week with her overseas friends? Let's either pretend to be sick (Sarah's trip) or get wasted (GM's).
What happened next was a VERY long talk before he agreed to let me take Y back home. Him drunk, me stone cold sober. Imagine the hilarity, will you? Dad and son were supposed to go on a mini-trip together to Germany, so big disappointment for the kid all around. There was just no way I was a) going to let my kid stay there with a very drunk dad or b) drop off my kid the next day to go abroad on a trip with his clearly unstable dad.
We made the best of the week. I kept Y home for another day to let him feel I was still there. He stayed with the neighbors the next day, where he had blast. Thank sweet Jesus for my neighbors because they love him to bits and they are just there in times of crisis. GM and me went to Utrecht and got pretty shitfaced ourselves. Hypocrite? Sure.
I should mention I had a kissing opportunity in Utrecht. With a really, REALLY hot guy. And I completely chickened out. I have no idea why. End of story.
With some last minutes changes in our plans, we managed to visit Delft, Bruges and Amsterdam as well. We hung out with Doug back in Den Haag (funny guy).
I was very happy GM came to stay. I was not in the best mood that week for obvious reasons (of course, one day after the *incident*, the ex declared himself sober and demanded that I bring back his son - lovely phone calls, those were). I learned that next time, I'm just not going to tell him people are coming over, or that I'm going away (not until the last minute, anyway). In short, I had a blast during GM's first trip to Europe and the week has a big fat stain on it. I honestly don't know if that will ever fade on the list "Things I Cannot Forgive You Quite Yet".
The other half of August was dominated by Y starting school. Very exciting and very scary. We had about a week before his teacher called us in for a meeting. I think a LOL is appropriate. I was weary, but she turned out to be completely on our side of "Let's not put a label on him unless absolutely necessary". He's now getting physical therapy to help him with his posture, tension in his body and feeling his limits (he has no sense of boundaries). I'm just really, really happy I managed to get him in this school. He's making friends and getting a sense of security and even manages to sit still for longer periods of time.
Oh, and Ex started AA again and new meds which should help him in the non drinking. Me? I just think this: I'm happy for my son with whatever wholesome time he gets with both of his parents. I think it'll help him in a world where he's already feeling a little off. Yet, I am also always waiting for the next set back. I know it'll come. Maybe that sounds awful. I call it being realistic. The next time will come and although I'm always prepared, it also hurts like hell. But it's about Y.
September
Since Wrigley was completely out after Drunk Ex, I had a bit of a foul mood early September. What didn't help was work. It's been insane and there's no light at the end of the tunnel yet. Interesting is that my old boss from two jobs ago called and wanted to get together for lunch. Will keep you posted (lunch is due in October).
< uninteresting Dutch politics talk >
There's been a lot of shit going on which made me get acquainted with a lot of far left wing politicians. They are just as bad as the far right wing actors. If not worse, because it's all done in the name of "being social". And if you're not with them (sound familiar?), you are therefore anti-social. Thus sayeth Socrates. Don't get me near a tomato ever again because I literally see red before my eyes. Bunch of hypocrite, malicious, frightening fanatics. At least Wilders is SAYING what he thinks, however foul and scary. So yeah, I'll say it: if I have to choose between CDA/VVD/(PVV) or GroenLinks/SP/PvdA? I'll take the first option.
Whoah. Whoah.
I know - I wouldn't have thought it two weeks ago, either.
< /uninteresting Dutch politics talk >
General
Arthritis is kicking my behind. It's making me hurt, making me grumpy, making me old and worst of all: I can't exercise (yeah, another Never Thought). We're working on a remedy.
I'm going to New York in november. EEEEEEEEEEH!!! Of course, I wanted to go to DC and Cali as well and got thrown back to reality after my car had an inspection and my bike was due new tires and a check-up. Kaching.
Love you (me) all.
Where?
How?
Hi, I'm you-know-who and I used to blog on this. And then one day I didn't. I have no idea where the time went. But I'm here, talking to myself in cyberspace. In a language that isn't my own. So in Benglish, I'm going to tell my audience (me) what happened in the last three months. I guess I rock.
July
This month was the Dutch summer. June was cold, everything went downhill in August, but July was pretty decent as far as the weather was concerned. I suffered from tremendous post-trip blues. On the other hand, we still didn't have a government and *funnily enough*, we all kept on living and breathing.
August
August was very interesting. First of all, the divine miss GM came over for a week long visit. I had a lot of stuff planned, she was beyond excited and the kid was curious. When we picked up GM at the airport, I got tears in my eyes. Because there are perks to friends being on different continents, but usually it just sucks.
Back at home, I immediately stuffed her face with poffertjes and I went to drop off Y at his dad's.
He was drunk. Like I said - everything went downhill in August.
It's not like it was a complete surprise, because there had been some signs. I just never thought he would do it in front of Y and I found the timing a little too conspicuous. My ex having a fun week with her overseas friends? Let's either pretend to be sick (Sarah's trip) or get wasted (GM's).
What happened next was a VERY long talk before he agreed to let me take Y back home. Him drunk, me stone cold sober. Imagine the hilarity, will you? Dad and son were supposed to go on a mini-trip together to Germany, so big disappointment for the kid all around. There was just no way I was a) going to let my kid stay there with a very drunk dad or b) drop off my kid the next day to go abroad on a trip with his clearly unstable dad.
We made the best of the week. I kept Y home for another day to let him feel I was still there. He stayed with the neighbors the next day, where he had blast. Thank sweet Jesus for my neighbors because they love him to bits and they are just there in times of crisis. GM and me went to Utrecht and got pretty shitfaced ourselves. Hypocrite? Sure.
I should mention I had a kissing opportunity in Utrecht. With a really, REALLY hot guy. And I completely chickened out. I have no idea why. End of story.
With some last minutes changes in our plans, we managed to visit Delft, Bruges and Amsterdam as well. We hung out with Doug back in Den Haag (funny guy).
I was very happy GM came to stay. I was not in the best mood that week for obvious reasons (of course, one day after the *incident*, the ex declared himself sober and demanded that I bring back his son - lovely phone calls, those were). I learned that next time, I'm just not going to tell him people are coming over, or that I'm going away (not until the last minute, anyway). In short, I had a blast during GM's first trip to Europe and the week has a big fat stain on it. I honestly don't know if that will ever fade on the list "Things I Cannot Forgive You Quite Yet".
The other half of August was dominated by Y starting school. Very exciting and very scary. We had about a week before his teacher called us in for a meeting. I think a LOL is appropriate. I was weary, but she turned out to be completely on our side of "Let's not put a label on him unless absolutely necessary". He's now getting physical therapy to help him with his posture, tension in his body and feeling his limits (he has no sense of boundaries). I'm just really, really happy I managed to get him in this school. He's making friends and getting a sense of security and even manages to sit still for longer periods of time.
Oh, and Ex started AA again and new meds which should help him in the non drinking. Me? I just think this: I'm happy for my son with whatever wholesome time he gets with both of his parents. I think it'll help him in a world where he's already feeling a little off. Yet, I am also always waiting for the next set back. I know it'll come. Maybe that sounds awful. I call it being realistic. The next time will come and although I'm always prepared, it also hurts like hell. But it's about Y.
September
Since Wrigley was completely out after Drunk Ex, I had a bit of a foul mood early September. What didn't help was work. It's been insane and there's no light at the end of the tunnel yet. Interesting is that my old boss from two jobs ago called and wanted to get together for lunch. Will keep you posted (lunch is due in October).
< uninteresting Dutch politics talk >
There's been a lot of shit going on which made me get acquainted with a lot of far left wing politicians. They are just as bad as the far right wing actors. If not worse, because it's all done in the name of "being social". And if you're not with them (sound familiar?), you are therefore anti-social. Thus sayeth Socrates. Don't get me near a tomato ever again because I literally see red before my eyes. Bunch of hypocrite, malicious, frightening fanatics. At least Wilders is SAYING what he thinks, however foul and scary. So yeah, I'll say it: if I have to choose between CDA/VVD/(PVV) or GroenLinks/SP/PvdA? I'll take the first option.
Whoah. Whoah.
I know - I wouldn't have thought it two weeks ago, either.
< /uninteresting Dutch politics talk >
General
Arthritis is kicking my behind. It's making me hurt, making me grumpy, making me old and worst of all: I can't exercise (yeah, another Never Thought). We're working on a remedy.
I'm going to New York in november. EEEEEEEEEEH!!! Of course, I wanted to go to DC and Cali as well and got thrown back to reality after my car had an inspection and my bike was due new tires and a check-up. Kaching.
Love you (me) all.
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