VERY old

You wore blue again that night

In a shadow of black light

All the ends stay untied

With the letter you sent me, after

Time turns everything

Beautiful is ugly now

And what you once thought to be so hard

Is of no concern anymore

Are you going to let me go?

Unfinished it remains

You undo nothing


Blue noise

In my soul and in my ears

I don't want to listen anymore

But it never ends

Blue noise

What you had won't ever be lost

It only turns louder

And it never ends

old - how long has it been, anyway?

i'm actually very surprised how much leroi moore's death has affected me. this is not my family, i never officially met the man, until yesterday i didn't even know how old he was. i am not and never have been in the position to frequent a lot of dmb shows, i have always felt like an outsider in the dmb community (not in a bad way) and i do not suffer from teenage hormones.



so what is it that made my eyes watery throughout the day yesterday, what makes me want to roam the internet like i just discovered dmb all over again, what makes me want to catch a plane to the states just to be able to hug someone who will understand?



i just got it: it's the leroi moment. it's not a trandenscendent mourning over my lost youth or the closing of one of life's chapters or the fact that 'my' band isn't the same anymore (they haven't been for years to begin with). i'm just tremendously sad because i'll never have another leroi moment. the searing, swelling note that catches you by surprise, the stomp funk that makes you move involuntarily, the catch of my breath before he lets me release it.

#41 - isn't ironic that i now know that he hated that song?