Wish you were here: Ryan Adams - June 28, 2011

When An Accoustic Evening with Ryan Adams at the main hall of the Amsterdam Concertgebouw went on sale, I was lucky enough to get my hands on the best seats in the house: not front row, but eleven rows in. The acoustics in that part of the hall are outstanding. To say I was excited, is a gross understatement. Not ony would I finally get to see Ryan Adams live - he was here in 2008 but ironically, I was in the States at the time - but it would also be at one of the best classical music halls in Europe, if not the best. The fact that the building not only produces otherworldly sound but also breathes history and teeters on posh, is a nice bonus.

I've seen a bunch of classical concerts at the Concertgebouw (Thanks, Mom) but this is the first time I would get to experience something post-Elvis there. The hairs on my arm standing up will be pretty much a given I suspect, but how much will it alter the Adams as I know it; only through CD's and just a few live recordings?



The Concertgebouw interior, with it's baroque balconies, colossal organ, sharply dressed ushers and red pluche seats, simply demands the crowd to keep their cool. Which I'm very grateful for, since this will spare us from the death of any accoustic show: random requests shouted at inappropriate moments and most importantly the worst loser move you can make at any Amsterdam show and my personal pet peeve: cackle and yell out hysterically whenever there's even the slightest reference to drug use in a song. But to my delight, everybody keeps their yap shut during To Be Young.

The respectfully quiet crowd also enables Adams to lace a good part of his songs with a heartbreaking fragility.
Especially Oh My Sweet Carolina, My Winding Wheel and the piano New York New York make the crowd hold their collective breath. With Why Do They Leave and a very slow Blue Hotel, the intensity borders on painful. In that very good way, mind you. I might even have whimpered.

And the sound? The sound is amazing. No, it's mind blowing. No, it's baffling. No, it's phenomenal. No, it's... you get the point.
The only bad thing I can say about the acoustics is that in order to keep them as stellar as they are, air conditioning is hardly possible and with the 100 degree weather, my neighbor starts to reek. But other than that? It's perfection.

The sound is crystal clear and shoots straight through your eardrum and settles into your stomach to radiate throughout the rest of your body, without the hint of an echo left in your ear. Adams' voice is in very good condition and his deliberate change in timing on his instrument (guitar, harmonica and piano) leave you just uncomfortable enough to not feel like the evening flattens out under the mellowness of it all.

This being my only Ryan Adams show to date, I wasn't expecting the evening not only to bring great music, but also comedic entertainment. Mr. Adams accuses his guitar of sounding off due to it hanging out at the bar all night long (he tunes the thing end-less-ly throughout the show), dedicates random songs to his man Patrick Swayze in his Roadhouse up in the sky, changes his hairstyle to Ghostbusters' Terror Dog Zuul for Bartering lines and puts people in their place who dare to attempt to tape (parts of) the show in an eery "I see dead people" voice. My favorite 'Ryan Speak' is when he wonders what it would be like if Kiss played at this venue.

I'm sensing that the majority of the audience consists of, let's say, hardcore fans and as the evening progresses and the number of Heartbreaker songs wins out over his better known repertoire, they make themselves better heard. I could have done without the clapping three notes into each song (so you immediately recognize the song - you're so awesome!) and the laughter which gets more exaggerated with each anecdote. A shy Ryan Adams keeps everybody in check with a simple shake of his mostly downturned head when necessary, though.

Come Pick Me Up closes the set and segues into an immediate standing ovation, which I suspect has a lot to do with I See Monsters which he played two songs earlier - the only time during the evening people really lost the struggle to contain their excitement.



Adams takes his time getting back on stage for the encore, and tells us that due to the Concertgebouw curfew, he will only play two more songs. The encore still takes up well over 20 minutes, because "(...) I will play the two longest songs I have and I will play them very, very slow." Which is the only thing I could have done without this evening. In this case, I'd rather be gripped by the throat with a two minute song than lulled into a mind drift with 10 minutes of Strawberry Wine. In defense, it's not exactly my favorite song. Which is probably a faux-pas. My apologies.

However, the night as a whole keeps me floating. Adams' charisma and more importantly music, intensity and skill leave me happy and content. The Concertgebouw is a fierce contributor to the night's success. Accoustic shows in muffling 'pop' venues won't ever do again.

Setlist:
1. Oh My Sweet Carolina
2. Blue Hotel
3. Winding Wheel
4. Why Do They Leave
5. Everybody Knows
6. If I Am A Stranger
7. To Be Young
8. Sweet Lil Gal
9. Carolina Rain
10. The Rescue Blues
11. Firecracker
12. Let It Ride
13. PLease Do Not Let Me Go
14. Bartering Lines
15. New York New York
16. I See Monsters
17. Two
18. Come Pick Me Up

Encore
19. Stop
20. Strawberry Wine

First there was Franck

When I was fifteen, my dad took me with his wife and my little brother and sister to go on vacation to France. Which in itself, was pretty amazing - I'd never been on vacation with them. We spent two weeks in the south of France, on a small camping near Bordeaux, at the border of the river Gironde. The camping was run by a Dutch guy and over half the guests were from the Netherlands. Including two moms with their teenage daughters, who were a year younger than me; Lisa and Jane. As it goes, the three of us were inseperable from day one.

And then we met the local youth. It was a fairly large group of French 15 to 18 year olds, who came to the town's only pool at the camping site daily. Maybe being young and stuck in a small town that only came to live under the pressure of the summer heat had something to do with it, but all of them were crazy about the fifties. The girls were wearing pretty polka dot dresses (without the petticoats though, it was way too hot for that) and the boys sported Levi's 501-2 and James Dean hair.

To our delight, three boys were just a year older than we were and were - as we thought - absolutely dreamy. Richard, Guillaume and Franck. Like they were Ken dolls, the three dreamboats were immediately split up between us three girls. Not that they had any knowledge or say in this, we just decided who would get whom. Even though chances were no one would end up with anyone. But that is and was besides the point.

Richard was for Lisa. They were both short and Jane and I were both tall, so that was easy. Lisa asked me and Jane which of the guys we liked. I didn't dare to tell them. What if we both liked the same guy? So I let Jane go first. And she blatantly stated she thought they were both cute and didn't really care whom she'd get 'assigned'. And still, I didn't say anything. Because what if she wasn't telling the truth? What if she did like the guy I liked? So I just lied and told her I felt the same way - they were both cute and I couldn't decide. I was also convinced that the guy I had crushed on from the minute I laid eyes on him, would never pick me over Jane - but I kept that to myself as well.

Mind you, we didn't even know if they thought any of us were worth their time, yet.

Long story short, Jane ended up flipping a coin over it and Fate handed her Franck. As you are probably guessing, Franck was the guy I silently adored. But this was Fate's decision, so I guess I got stuck with Guillaume.

Two weeks of hunting ensued. If I went into the water, Franck would follow immediately. Would I refuse to join my new friends in the pool, he would end up picking me up and throw me in the water. Whenever I was reading a book under the trees, he would sometimes show up and lay beside me, humming tunes, occasionally staring at me. In the evenings the entire group would hang out on the indoor terrace of the camping's restaurant, and Franck would start asking me questions. What kind of music do you like? Why are your brother and sister so much younger than you are? How come you speak French so well? Are you planning on coming back next year? And in return he would tell me about music and took me outside to look at the stars. He was actually the first person to tell me how to spot the Big Dipper.

I kept reading my books, gossip with Jane and Lisa, taking pictures of everyone but him and try and act unbothered by Franck's attention because God forbid anyone would notice that I liked him. Surely he was only talking to me so often because my French was better than the others'. First of all, he couldn't possibly be into me, second, he was Jane's as decided by a coin toss and third, he couldn't possibly be into me. And then there was the fact that there was absolutely no way he was into me. I couldn't help but stare and feel like jello though, that day the locals and camping guests had a volleyball tournament which left Franck running around shirtless, fresh sweat forming on his very, very nice chest...

Two days before my vacation would end and I'd go back home, he was lying next to me under the trees. Me reading, him humming. At one point, he complimented me on my shirt. And then my eyes. And then he asked me to take a walk with him. And then Jane showed up, asking if I wanted to play ping pong with her. Needless to say, I didn't really want to play ping pong with her. But of course I did leave Franck and his question hanging and play f-ing ping pong with Jane. Who asked what Franck and I were talking about. And before I could stop myself, I told her he'd asked me to go for a walk. "Probably to inquire about you", I rushed to add. That sounds mean and deceitful, but this is actually what suddenly appeared to me to be the explanation for his request. Because he couldn't be possibly into me and the coin had told us he was Jane's. So, air tight logic - right?

My last night on the camping, Franck and a couple of his friends had to leave early. He stopped me on his way out and pulled me into a hug. Bear in mind that hugs are considered way more intimate on this side of the pond than a kiss goodbye on the cheeck - especially in France. He held on to my waist with one hand and pushed my hair back with the other. He asked if we could talk the next day - he had something to tell me. I told him I was leaving the next morning. He muttered "C'est dommage" under his breath and just stared. My heartbeat was thundering in my ears. Surely he wasn't going to kiss me. Surely we just and only had become friends during our time underneath the trees. I was pissed off at my racing pulse, afraid that he would notice. That's when his friends came around the corner, telling him they really should be going. I took the interuption to ease my way out of his embrace and just give him four kisses on the cheeck - the way we all had been doing the last two weeks, whenever someone was leaving.

My last morning there, I wrote a note to Guillaume, saying I liked him and I hoped to meet him again the next year. I left it with Jane to give to him. This way, if I had acted strange when Franck had hugged me, it would be clear that it wasn't because I liked him. Because God forbid...

Back home, I stared at a map of France for an entire year. I looked at the Big Dipper every night. And I cried my eyes out when at Christmas, my dad asked me what the name was of that guy in France, who was so obviously crazy about me. Because only then, I realized that I had been completely blind. Too worried about hurting Jane (even to the point of pushing her into liking Franck - twisted, I say). Too worried about him finding out I thought he was just drrrreamy. Because the rejection was inevitable and would be devastating. I cried because I was relieved my crush hadn't been unrequited. I cried because I missed a chance because I was considering Jane's non-existing feelings for Franck but moreso, I was apparently a complete chicken shit. And I cried because I wrote Guillaume that note, and Franck would now think I had been after his friend. Or just that I was completely crazy. I didn't know which one was worse.

I hope the above was a cute story.

The thing is that it's still me. And it's really not cute anymore. It's just f-ing annoying. I hurt someone recently and it's kind of too late to take it back. 'I'm just too blind' - is not much of and excuse anymore at 38. That doesn't mean I'm not sorry.

Your silence (it's killing me)

Hey there - just popping in to say I'm still alive.

Life is far too busy for blogging. Instead I just postpone doing my taxes and jump on Facebook every now and again. Makes sense, right? Right.

Did you ever notice that unrequited crushes suck the worst? Yeah, me too.

Big time.

That is all.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

... and that's all I have to say about that.

It's tradition

Was 2010 good for you? It was the best year in a long time!

What was your favorite moment of the year? When I picked up Yannick at the airport, opening night of the musical I was in, a certain kiss, when Sarah was waiting for me at the airport, when I picked up Gina Marie at the airport, the first note played on N2 MSG, Yannick's first day at school, when I met Lady Liberty, when we beat Brazil, and and and... etc.

What was your worst moment of the year? Some Thursday in August, when the Ex had forgotten to say his Serenity prayers.

Where were you when 2010 began? At home in The Hague

Who were you with? Ellis and the neighbors

Where were you when 2010 ended? Same setting!

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2010? I didn't have any. I think.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2010? I have a resolution for March. Sigh.

Did you fall in love in 2010? No

Did you breakup with anyone in 2010? No

Did you make any new friends in 2010? Yes!

What was your favorite month of 2010? November

Why this month? It was chuck full of shows and I went to New York.

Did you travel outside of the US (or your home country) in 2010? Belgium, England, the States

How many different places did you travel to in 2010? Noblesville, Nashville, Indianapolis, London, Antwerp, Manchester, Bruges, New York City. I stopped at a parking area in Louisville.

Did you miss anybody in the past year? I was very fortunate to see a lot of overseas friends, but I didn't see Whoops. And I miss him like whoa.

What was your favorite song from 2010? Hm. First thing that pops up is Love Hangover. God.

How many concerts or plays did you see in 2010? A lot more than 2009. I was even IN a play.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2010? Snow Patrol and N2 DMB @ MSG.

What was your favorite book in 2010? Honestly? Nothing sticks out.

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Ashamed, no. Embarassed, yes.

What was the biggest lie you told in 2010? I'm not going to tell. It was a white lie, anyway.

Did you treat somebody badly in 2010? Nope.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2010? It's a given. The question is, how much will I let it affect me? Not so much (in the end), which I'm proud of.

What was your proudest moment of 2010? After the opening night of the musical. It was a feeling of accomplishment. I had done it!

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2010? Ah ha! Saying stupid things in English, mistaking Jenna Jameson for Joanna Newsome, sweating like a pig at MSG, getting hit on by someone I didn't want to get hit on by, asking Ellis if she made out with Erwin at the top of my lungs in a crowded bar, being seen at Eclipse, getting at the Johnny Flynn show just as he walked off stage, etc. etc. etc. Seems embarrassment is my goal in life.

If you could go back to any moment of 2010 and change something, what would it be? I'd have kissed that guy instead of backing out like a shy teenager.

Where did you work in 2010? Same place as before.

Favorite TV shows(s) of 2010? Big Bang Theory and Grey's.

Favorite Band(s) of 2010? The yoosh.

Favorite Food in 2010? The dinner at St. Elmo's in Indy.

Favorite Drink in 2010? Coffee, as always

Favorite Place in 2010?

Home and NYC

Favorite person(s) to be with in 2010? My incredible friends and Yannick

Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2010? My friends

Favorite trip in 2010? NYC, baby!

Favorite stores in 2010? The Bijenkorf.

Hardest thing you had to go through in 2010? The yoosh.

Most exciting moment(s) in 2010? #41 opening song at MSG N2, the storm(s) in Nashville and Indianapolis, every game we won in the world cup tournament, every time I see Yannick again after school, or when I pick him up.

Funniest moment(s) in 2010? I've laughed so much this year, I can't list them all... but some that come to mind: icing KT, the Jenna Jameson embarrassment, several moments during the bar hop with Gina Marie in Utrecht, my friend and co-worker Joyce and me doings skits in our office, when Yannick proudly announced he had made the best poo ever, "we don't get sick, we just get awesome", when Joshua told me "save yourself, we can take care of our own" when I tried to get everyone to their beds.

Ouch! I mean Yay!

Merry Christmas! I'm writing this on Christmas morning, with severe pain in my mouth (seriously - PAIN), but that's all I'm going to say about that little setback.

Just wanted to wish you all the best of times. I'm very grateful for this last year and my Christmas is already a million times better than the last one (even with the thing I'm not talking about).

LOVE!

How Esther got her groove back

I remember that at one point during the night of the first show, I walked into the bathroom of wherever I was and looked at myself in the mirror. I still saw a thirty-seven year old who accidently traded bad skin for bad joints, I still saw a tired mom with a shifted jaw caused by pregnancy hormones. But that's not what was most noticeable. The first thing I saw was that I was absolutely glowing. Sparkling eyes and a fixed smile and all other cliches. I was stunned. And then I realized: "I'm happy. Once more. Esther's back. I'm really here again".

Not to say that New York made that happen for me. I'm proud to say this was my own hard work. To get out of the funk and back into the groove. But the city and the setting of the weekend definitely gave me that final push in the right direction.

So this last post about my trip to New York is not about dirty deeds in the bathroom of Mustang Harry's or the backseat of a cab, if that's what the title above would imply. It is to say that I'll never be sorry about the not so sensible drinking on Friday, the more sensible rest I took on Saturday even though that meant missing out on some sight seeing, nor the insane pace we set on Sunday afternoon (The Rock, Lego store, Times Square, shopping, Strawberry Fields) to make up for that. Even though that pace combined with my arthritis resulted in a painful flight home.

There are only two things I am sorry about:

- almost knocking Becker's iPhone out of his hands, not entirely by accident

- not bringing tennis shoes

To top it off, my top five of the weekend (it's been a month and I still think about it regularly)

5. The apartment Robert got for us, because it was more than just a place to crash and the seven of us got along effortlessly. I guess you had to have been there, but there was a really nice vibe going on in there and the place had a lot to do with that.

4. The shows, the crowd in the back of the GA area, meeting a couple of more 'DMB legends' and finding out how nice they are, #41 #41 #41. And Christmas Song, which Sarah had to actually turn my attention to because I was too busy talking. I know!

3. Brunch with Sarah, Robert and Annelise. Because it was nice to finally be able to really talk to Robert and his girlfriend instead of random phrases in passing, and the food was great.

2. Sarah, Popejoy and Becker. We relied on each others tickets and this kind of forced us together. I could not have wished for better 'seat partners' though. Because we just get awesome.

1. Sarah & The City. I've already tried to explain the greatness of New York. I must have explained the awesomeness of Sarah somewhere in the past. The combination was just wonderful.

Can't wait to go back :).