a.a.t.

1. i'm getting a new passport tomorrow. it looks like i'm actually making it this year!

2. yes, i'm still cigarette-less. and fat as hell. but whatever.

don't tell anyone

but i'm going to see john mayer in june, here in the hague. he's headlining a mini festival 'picnic in the park' and sarah told me to go. needless to say, i bought tickets (since i'm such an obedient person).

ever since i got the tickets i'm frantically trying to decide what kind of t-shirt to wear. because i want the t-shirt to say "you're just the gazillionth guy with a guitar so tone it down a bit" without wearing a text across the chest that says "you ain't got nothing on buckley". without it being too obvious, in other words.

i don't know. like anyone will care, right.

so, is the verdict on obama/clinton in, yet? it's getting BORING!!! interesting dilemma though, right? pick obama and you're sure to lose, pick clinton and it's bush 2000 all over again (this is from a dutch elective system point of view though).

blablabla esther shut up.

okay.

see, i'm obedient.

a new djeems

a new djeems is born!!! i've been told he's perfect. the best news is that i get to see him before he's even a month old!

congratulations to the one, and only, whoopsidaddy!

drugs are good

i'm doing good. don't ask me what i ate the last couple of days (liqorish! liqorish! bags and bags of liqorish!), but other than that, i'm doing good.

the poison should be out of my system by now, and that should mean that i'll be able to sleep tonight. without the night sweat, icecold toes and nightmares.
and yes, it's hard and at times i want to smoke so bad, i can actually feel what it's like to inhale the lovely smoke of that wonderful, fake old friend.

the cigarette does the smoking. i'm just the sucker.
the cigarette does the smoking. i'm just the sucker.
the cigarette does the smoking. i'm just the sucker.

anyhoo (she said, while sucking on her third menthol candy this morning - i can feel the two sizes weight gain coming now!!), quitting ain't easy but like maarten said: "chemo feels a lot worse".

nothing else is new, except it's ONLY ONE MORE MONTH (and a week and a half) TO GO!

new words

'hello' and 'bye' - in english. so proud.

other news: i'm deaf on the right side. going to the doctor's today. i'm quitting smoking for the gazillionth time on april first (oh, you didn't know i had picked up the habit again? first thing i did after yannick was born). but i'm getting medication this time and therapy. yes, i am a weak loser to need so much help but this has to be the last time. work is HELLA BUSY. yannick and maarten are awesome.

poop.

since yannick has been telling us when he's pooping or after he has pooped, we've been confronting him with the potty. and he's been peeing on it, too! but no luck getting into his head that he needs to tell us about the poo before the act of pooping, so he can poo on the potty as well. he has one book in which the dog pooped on the sidewalk and he's pretty obsessed with it. and what about the one where the mole wants to know who pooped on his head? another favorite book. he's also peeing in the bathtub (only when he's taking a bath, people) and is pretty fascinated with all that water coming out of him.

ANYWAY. it's all part of the genital phase, i assume. oh, we've entered that phase alright. and that's all i'm saying about it because there are pretty sick people in this digital universe, as we all know.

i'm taking some classes again and i'm so stoked about it. it makes me want to go back to school for another degree, again. but we're also looking for a new house and maarten is thinking about getting another degree as well and who knows what the stork might have in store for us in the future?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

i want it all, i want it all, and i want it now.

(and still, when i read in magazines about over the top women wanting to have the great career, the great marriage, the great sex, the great children, the great house, the great friends, the great education and the great world trip, i think: this is not about me.
hee.)

it's almost april and that means that california is about to welcome a new citizen. very excited about it and it reminds me that i need to e-mail his/her parents.

love you all!

quick!

have a peek at yannick-with-hair before we shave it all off again!